If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart
That person is none other than Nelson Mandela, a former South African statesman and Nobel Laureate, who was instrumental in the abolishment of the apartheid in South Africa.
Being born a Singaporean Chinese has its merits. Most of my peers, like me, are bilingual in two of the most spoken languages in the world: English and Mandarin. We are especially susceptible to staying within our comfort zone, where the Chinese would prefer interacting with Chinese, the Malays with Malays, and likewise with the Indians and other minority races. Even then, Singapore is largely peaceful with little or no cases of racial tensions (we could probably credit that to racial harmony day =p).
I could still recall the fateful day where a conversation took place between my group of four friends, back in my army days:
Me: “Chinese new year’s almost here, can’t wait to book out and enjoy all the new year goodies. Yay! "
Friend A: “Yea, thinking of all the food is making me salivate, yum. “
Me: “Especially BAK KWA! (it’s actually tasty BBQ minced pork meat slices) Let’s gather at my house during CNY and we can eat all the bak kwa in the world. Nothing taste better than bak kwa right?”
Friend B: “Sorry Justin, I don’t eat pork”.
It was only then I realized my mistake. Friend B was a staunch Muslim who cringes at the ‘p’ word. I immediately apologized for my insensitivity. Fortunately, B forgave me and we still remained as good friends.
Therefore, regardless of how mundane or trivial certain issues can be, we should never let our guard down, as someone may just be offended by our words or actions. These misunderstandings could transpire into something more sinister and violent as in the case in Malaysia just recently.
The use of the word “Allah” by Christians in Malaysia resulted in arson and vandalism of several churches. The misuse of the word was perhaps non-malicious; however, some Muslims probably overreacted without much thought. And just today, internet reports have published articles that several mosques in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, were desecrated with pig’s head, probably as a form of retaliation against the Muslim’s acts of violence. This clearly shows cultural differences and the lack of communications in its full glory.
Certain people are more sensitive to things that insult or hurt them, thus, cultural differences is something we should be constantly aware of. The 'pork example' above, though insignificant, is never trivial enough to garner a violent response from the other party. How else would Jihad emerge? The extremists did not surface from their little holes just to poke some fun at the Americans, they did it because of clashes in beliefs. Whilst my stand may be a tad extreme, it is imperative that we do not take cultural differences for granted.
Provoked, they would hurt you where you least expect.
People make mistakes. At times where we are in a company of someone who has vastly different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs, we should constantly watch what we speak and be respectful towards him. These could be the people we work with for large parts of our lives. By being able to communicate effectively, and at the same time foster excellent ties with these people, we would hope to live a more peaceful and pleasant life.
I really love the quote at the start. It shows people that you have taken the effort to try to converse in their language. (Trust me. It really takes a long time to master a foreign language)
ReplyDeleteI believe everyone would be guilty of unknowingly saying the wrong things at the wrong time. It is good that your Muslim friend is able to understand that the mistake is due to your overexcitement.
To be aware of the different people around us and responding appropriately would be an important aspect in communication. :)
Hi justin,
ReplyDeleteI strongly agree with you that people in the same race usually prefer to communicate with each other and use their mother languages. I used to feel uncomfortable when I get on a bus and hear many language that I cannot understand.
About your story, I understand that you wrongly mentioned "pork" to the Muslim but I could not understand how bad it was. Because I know the Muslim do not eat pork but it was a conversation, why did you feel so guilty about that?
Nice post. Although it is longer than recommended, clever paragraphing and interesting examples still made reading through a breeze. Using a quote to start your post was a good idea, but I fail to see the significance of the quote to the rest of your post. Relevant use of pictures made the post lively. The nice layout can be further improved if the text wraps around the pictures leaving no blank spaces. Your unpleasant experience in the past made me realize how important it is to be vigilant with our words. However, one thing keeps puzzling me. How are we supposed to know the religion of those whom we speak to? If we guess, it could mean trouble. If we ask, it may seem rude.
ReplyDeleteHi Justin,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that we should all be careful of what we speak due to cultural differences. However, I feel that you have made the assumption that we know a lot about the other cultures, and are able to look out for things that are offensive to the others. But sometimes, one may have imperfect knowledge of the cultures of the people he is communicating to, and might end up offending the others without knowing. Therefore, maybe you could bring in the idea of understanding cultures of others for the improvement in intercultural communication too.
I like your examples. They are interesting and appropriate. The quote and pictures are nice too. Good job!
Regards,
Jing Mei
Hi Justin !
ReplyDeleteI have noticed that your post always has a reference to current issues that are relevant to the topic. In addition to spicing up your post, it gives a clear cut idea that you are someone who is up to date with world issues.
The quote at the beginning of your post is very deep and meaningful. Nelson Mandela is someone who I idolise. He has single handedly managed to alter the history of a country and bring an end to the era of apartheid in Africa.
I know we are just done with two blog posts but I can already see a trend forming in your posts- of an issue from the news with a picture attached. I mean this in a positive way; it gives your blog a unique identity. But at the same time take care not to let it get monotonous in the following posts. A video clip instead of a picture at times could be a welcome change. The introduction of the conversation between your friend and you in a different font helped highlight it.
The best part about your post is that it was to the point, well-focussed and your examples never wavered from the central idea. Keep up the good work.
-Lakshmi
Hi Justin,
ReplyDeleteI like your conclusion which points out the fact that everyone would make blunders in the words we say or the actions we do. While we may not know about the backgrounds of our acquaintance initially, we can be more aware and tolerant to each other to avoid conflict and misunderstanding.
However, I like to add that we have to be careful about stereotyping other people. For example, some Buddhist are strict vegetarians while others only abstain from meat on the 1st and 15th day of the lunar calender. Thus, we should always be mindful of the feelings of others.
Regards,
Ying Cong
Dear Justin
ReplyDeleteIs there a final remark you wish to make?
Regards
Happy
Dear Readers,
ReplyDeleteThank you for all your comments. It helps that some of you are non-locals, which allowed me to understand how you feel as a minority in Singapore.Keep the comments coming!
Kevin: I am still in the process of learning how to communicate with people of other races and religion. Till now, I still offend some of these people occasionally. Ideally, I would hope to be able to communicate with them effectively, and at the same time be sensitive and tactful when I speak.
Khoa: I apologize if my example on the mention of pork to my Muslim friend was ambiguous. Religion is a touchy issue. Some people are more tolerant, while the staunch and religious might be the different case altogether. This friend of mine, was incidentally a devout Muslim who would flinch at sight of pigs. As the Chinese New Year was round the corner, the excitement had let this slip of the tongue to occur. On hindsight, I should have invited him to my house for a visit during the new year's holiday. This could have fostered better ties between us, at the same time, allow him to understand the culture of the Chinese.
Junius: You were really observant! I did realize that my post is a tad too long. As a result, my subsequent posts had been significantly shorter and more concise. Hope that would provide a better reading experience for all you readers! Your question on guessing the religion of others is absolutely valid, however I feel that knowing the religion of the other party is not the utmost necessity. More importantly, we have to constantly remind ourselves to be aware and be sensitive to others. The best way I feel, is to think before we speak. If we feel that a certain topic would invoke negative feelings in him/her, we should avoid talking about it. Ultimately, it is better to be safe than sorry.
Jing Mei: You were right to say that I had made several assumptions. We would never be able to understand all the cultures of the world. Thus, the least we could do is to learn the behaviour and beliefs of the other races in Singapore. Once we feel comfortable with interacting with our fellow Singaporeans, can we study the culture of people from other countries around the world. Learning is never ending, and we are bound to offend someone in the future. Therefore, we should learn from these mistakes and build up from then on.
Lakshmi: Thank you for your comments! I never want to stop improving on my blog posts, hope you would enjoy the future posts in my blog. And also, I am glad that there is someone else who idolize Nelson Mandela! He is a great man who has done so much for the people of Africa. He is someone who would do everything to dispel all sorts of discrimination against his own race. I really believe in equality, and that everyone regardless of race, is entitled to his own freedom of speech and rights.
Ying Cong: Stereotyping is a definite no-no. Unfortunately, it happens so frequently in our daily lives. While stereotyping makes lives easier for us (so that we would not have to guess all the time), making the incorrect inferences would sometimes cause displeasure. I admit that I am guilty of stereotyping. However, I have been constantly reminding myself the importance of understand people from other backgrounds. As we would be working with all sorts of people in the future, being an effective and tactful communicator would allow us to work better with less conflicts!